Sharing in Grief

By: Yolanda Miller

“God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.  He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” ~2 Cor. 1:3-4

 

Years ago, after many years of waiting, I became pregnant. I was giddy with excitement at the fulfillment of a lifelong dream to become a mother. Barely six weeks later, on Valentine's Day, I began bleeding and lost the baby. I felt like not only had the baby died, but my dream along with it.

During that time, many friends shared kind words of condolences, hoping to comfort me. But one friend did something that I'll never forget. We lived in Hawaii at the time and it was a common practice when someone died, to throw leis in the ocean and allow them float away, as a way to honor the deceased. 

I remember unwrapping a small package my friend handed me. It was a photo of a lei floating in the water. She explained that she had gone to the beach and thrown a lei into the water, prayed a prayer for me and the baby I would never meet, and then took a photo so I could always have something by which to remember the baby, since I would have nothing else.

I wept, a mixture of grief, being moved by her thoughtfulness, and awe at her creative deployment of a treasured local custom. I still have that framed photo today.

Several years later, when we moved back to the mainland, a different friend experienced the same pain and loss. So I shared my photo with her and asked if we could do the same for her baby. She opted to carry out the ritual in person, with both our families present.

Allowing others to share in our own grief brings comfort to us and others as well.

While we will not always discover the reasons for the tragedies in our lives, they can bring us unexpected blessings to pass on to others who suffer.

1. What practices have helped you grieve your losses?

2. Who can you bring comfort to this week?