Kevin
Hi everyone, welcome back to another episode of "Coping". Today we're going to discuss a topic that's weighing heavy on our hearts right now for our city and for many people that we know that live near us, our neighbors, talking about the fires in Los Angeles.
Kathy
Yes, welcome back everyone. It has been a heavy time here. We know that fires can be both a physical and emotional force. They destroy, but they also can bring opportunities for renewal.
Kevin
So we're going to talk about how fires are impacting people's lives in our city and encourage all of us to respond with compassion and explore how these moments of crisis can spark resilience and hope.
Kathy
So let's get started.
Kathy
So as we mentioned this episode, we're discussing what is on the top of our minds here in Los Angeles, and this is the devastation of the SoCal fires. Entire neighborhoods have been evacuated, homes have been lost, and the air itself, when we walk around outside, feels heavy with smoke and uncertainty.
Here's one account of an Altadena resident, which is where the Eaton fires were sharing her story. "For some reason, I didn't have the emergency alert on my phone. It was about 7 p.m. when a neighbor knocked on my door and said, 'we're evacuating.' When I looked outside, I could see an orange glow over the mountain. I didn't even think twice about it. I grabbed a few things and left, thinking I'd be back in the morning. The next morning, I drove slowly through the familiar Altadena streets, believing the danger had passed. As I neared our home, the darkness broke as flames erupted in the distance. What I assumed was the dawning of the new day was actually a thick cloud of smoke hiding the growing devastation. When I looked to one side, the sun was coming out, and the other side was just dark. When I drove into it, there were embers flying everywhere and houses on fire. I couldn't even get close to my street. I turned around immediately."
Kevin
Wow. It is still so unimaginable what people have endured.
These stories are only beginning to emerge as people are attempting to return back to their homes. The story you just read resonates because it's one that I've heard from so many people that we know who have been displaced or are devastated by these fires. And what we see in this story is the beginning of her beginning to process what this fire has done and the juxtaposition of the sun shining on one side and on the other side is this dark cloud. I wonder if you can speak a little bit to that juxtaposition that she describes in her story.
Kathy
So, this neighbor's story is very devastating because she describes the physical loss of everything that her life represented. And while I personally have never experienced a loss of a home burning to the ground, I know there was a period in my life where I could say that I felt like my entire life burned to the ground. And we don't compare losses. That's something that we've taught in Be Well, but what we often say is that whatever loss you're carrying is as heavy because you're carrying it.
How about you, Kevin? Have you experienced a time like that?
Kevin
Yeah, similar to you, I've never experienced the devastation of losing everything so quickly as a result of a fire. I do remember back when I was very young, about six years old, I lived in Miami, Florida at the time, and Hurricane Andrew came through and absolutely destroyed our neighborhood, destroyed our home. We were without power for months, missed school for months, and it still is a period of my life that I look back to that is very transformative for me.
I think a lot of who I am today, working in a hospital setting, working as a first responder, supporting people in crisis, is rooted in that history of having lost everything essentially and had to rebuild at such a young age. And so for me, relating it back to this most recent devastation, while we didn't have fires here in Burbank where we live, we did get those hurricane force winds, I think it was like 84 miles per hour, and the howling of the wind, the whistling of the wind, the trees swaying back and forth, definitely brought back some of those really traumatic memories from my childhood during Hurricane Andrew.
Kathy
Yes, it's a lot. It's often too much, as you describe, for one human being to endure.
And what we want to talk about today is, although this may be very, very difficult, is to take the time to stop and acknowledge what you're going through and the pain and the loss. In her book, Ignite Your Soul, Mindy Caliguire, she experienced a devastating loss of her home and region in Colorado, interestingly, due to wildfires. And this is what she writes: "We ignore the reality of devastation to the detriment of our soul's health. Because we never take the time to sit with our grief, our down-the-road lives pay the price."
Why do you think this is so important in grief for Kevin?
Kevin
The challenge is that some of us who utilize compartmentalization or denial as a coping mechanism, which are very important and helpful coping mechanisms, especially right when the trauma or the loss happens, if that what is supposed to be a temporary coping becomes the permanent way of coping and that grief gets pushed down, it will come out in ways unexpected and oftentimes more compounded and more complicated in the future.
And so the encouragement that I have for people who are going through grief is to be good to themselves, to be present to that pain, to be aware of it, just talk with a trusted friend, to connect with a counselor, a therapist to begin talking about it, get those feelings out is going to help you in the long run, but also transform your experience of grief as it's unfolding.
Kathy
Yes, thank you for those important ways to process the grief and know that you're not alone. If you can always reach out to us here at Be Well, we're a listening ear.
We have communities of support and anything you need, just feel free to send us a message. So after walking through our desolation, acknowledging our pain and loss, the second step is to begin to survey our land, so to speak, and it may be physical, metaphorical that we're doing this. So here's what Mindy writes. She describes actually going out to her land that day. "When I looked down the hill, I could see all the way down. Everything on the surface had burned, and while it was sad to look at, I realized that something else was going on. I could suddenly see possibilities for the land that I hadn't seen before."
Kathy
So, the second step after this time of desolation and acknowledging your grief and pain and loss is to look for the new.
Kathy
For me, in my metaphorical fire of 2009, what was new that emerged for me was the first opportunity to open up a ministry in a business. And that actually formed the foundation of what we have today for Be Well resources. So that devastation of 2009 has opened up the new of the work that we are doing today.
Kevin
People who go through a significant loss and do their grief work often find that out of that grief is born a new type of ministry. For you, it's a literal ministry a literal business where you're helping other people, but that type of ministry can be done in any way whether that's supporting a co-worker or a friend or a relative, the experience that you gain from walking through your own crisis and processing your own grief does make you better able to serve other people who may be going through what you've been through
Kathy
Mm-hmm. Yes.
Thank you so much. And so to recap this episode today, if youโve faced a physical or metaphorical fire in your life, first take the time to sit with your pain and grief and know you aren't alone, reach out to friends, helpers, mentors, counselors and even reach out to us. Secondly, take the time to look for the new ask yourself โwhat new opportunities, relationships are emerging out of this difficult time?โ
Kevin
That has been one of the really meaningful things that's come from this devastation is seeing the Los Angeles community really rally around each other and to support one another and offer practical help and support and so all of the misinformation, disinformation that's happening online about California and Los Angeles specifically, I would say most Angelenos are tuning that out and are turning to their neighbor and offering a helping hand and offering that support that we know and love about this city.
Kathy
Yes. If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might need it, and look for links in our notes for places to donate to the relief efforts here in LA.
Kevin
Yeah, that's so good. Thank you.
So in that effort to continue promoting connectedness and love in this time, we want to close with a short prayer that ties into our themes of devastation and renewal. This poem is by Jeff Chu:
โO God, who was present to the wandering people through steady flame, we pray for an end to the fire that destroys and devastates, and for the beginning of the fire that warms and nourishes. Be with all who mourn, give them the hope of renewal and restoration. Amen.โ
