Courage: Models & Myths
Kathy and Kevin discuss the topic of courage and explore its true meaning beyond the common misconceptions. Reframing the perception of courage as not just physical bravery but as the ability to stay true to one's desires and walk one's own path despite fears or external pressures is important on your path to becoming healthy.
Kathy
Welcome back everyone for another episode of “Coping”.
Kevin
That's right. So today we're going to talk about a new topic, something that we just explored in a recent spring retreat that you led.
Kathy
Yes, our spring retreat was titled, Take Courage.
Kevin
That's right. So I wonder, what comes to mind when we think of courage? What does that word mean?
Kathy
That's a great question. What do you think?
Kevin
Well, when I think of courage, I think about somebody who faces their fears. I also think about gladiators in ancient Rome, folks who were fighting for survival and showing brute force and physical strength, sort of like the idea that comes to mind for me.
Kathy
Yeah, there's so much to explore with this topic of courage. Let's get started.
Kathy
So, as we mentioned, our topic today is courage. A recent retreat was Take Courage. And when I did some research exploring the root of the word courage, I found something really interesting. So, the Latin word from courage comes from the word 'core'. And the earliest forms of the word, you know, courage had a different definition than it does today. Courage actually meant to speak one's mind by telling all one's heart.
Kevin
Oh, fascinating. I did not know that. So I guess that begs the question, how is courage related to telling one's story or, as the quote says, to speak one's mind and telling their heart? How are those things related to telling your story?
Kathy
Sure. So what I think is that the true definition of courage has to do with the ability of us being vulnerable and authentic in the telling of our stories.
Kevin
Say more about what it means to speak your heart.
Kathy
So I would say that when we speak our hearts, we're listening to what the truths are that we hold dear. But what often happens is the noise of our world clouds that out, other people's expectations, us wanting to people please, us not wanting to let others down. We don't get to live our truth because of all of the noise and the anxiety surrounding what other people want for us. But when we get to the core of what we actually desire and care about is being able to speak our truths.
Kevin
Hmm. What I hear you saying is that speaking your heart is getting honest with yourself about what your desires are, your hopes, your dreams are, as opposed to all the expectations, all of the outward distractions and things that pull us one way or the other, but to stay true to our path where we want to go, where we feel like we're being led.
Kathy
Absolutely. Has that been a struggle for you?
Kevin
I've definitely struggled with that I am the type of person that people pleases and lives a life seeking out external affirmation and wanting to please others around me and seeking that validation from others but in the in the times where I feel most discontent it's the times that I'm seeking the most external validation and approval from others and in the times where I've been most satisfied or have been most confident or have made the hardest decisions in my life and the best ones are the times that I decided to stay true to my heart to speak my truth and to walk that path.
Kathy
Mm-hmm, and that is the essence of courage is what you're describing
Kevin
I have a feeling there's some myths around courage. Can you tell us a little bit about some of the misconceptions and the myths surrounding the idea of courage?
Kathy
Sure, so the first myth that we often hear is, "I don't feel courageous."
Kevin
Right.
Kathy
And I can think back to times in my own life when I did courageous acts and in the midst of it, wasn't feeling particularly courageous or brave or strong, but I was still moving forward into those actions which others would describe as courageous. I wonder, I know that you have had many courageous acts in your life. Were you feeling courage in those moments and spaces?
Kevin
Hmm, In the times where I was appearing in the world as most courageous were the times that I felt like I had no other option, that I had to do the brave thing because it was the only thing I was faced with an impossible circumstance and was left with no other choice but to be courageous, that I had to face some of the challenges in my life and take them head on. I don't know if it was courage in my traditional understanding of courage of being brave and facing my fears as much as it was looking internally to my heart and coming to terms with what I wanted for my life and seeking that. So I think the definition that you described today, I would say yeah, I was courageous, although I didn't feel courageous.
Kathy
And you're explaining really well the truth that can debunk this myth that you don't feel courageous is that courage is an action, not a feeling. And one of my favorite quotes about this comes from Sir Winston Churchill who said, "Fear is a reaction, courage is a decision."
Kevin
Hmm, that resonates with the times in my life where I needed courage the most. There was less about me feeling it was the right thing to do or feeling brave or feeling strong or courageous It was more about I just I have to I have to move forward and I don't feel confident in this decision, but I'm gonna move this way in faith and just trust that I'm doing the best that I can with what I have right now and then looking back seeing how courageous some of those actions were even though the feeling wasn't there. It's almost as if to say I didn't have the feeling but once I took the action the feeling followed.
Kathy
Yes, so you've unlocked one of the keys to courage is at that moment of decision between fear and courage, you acknowledged the fear, but you set it aside because in your heart of hearts, you wanted to choose the courageous thing.
Kevin
Yeah, and I think that that leads us to another myth about courage, and that courage is the absence of fear. I think that fear and courage actually can coexist within us. We are complex beings. We're not feeling just one distinct feeling at a time. It's often layers and layers of feelings. And this reminds me of the quote from one of our favorite authors, Brene Brown, who says it best. She says, "courage and fear are not mutually exclusive. Most of us feel brave and afraid at the exact same time." This has been so true in my life. What about for you?
Kathy
I love this quote. It's so freeing for all of us because that means that I don't have to not be afraid to be courageous. I just need to acknowledge the fear, set that aside and take the step of faith. So when you described in your life feeling like you had another choice. Well, you did have a choice: you had a choice to stay in fear but instead you took the step and that just shows that fear and courage are in the same spaces and we think we don't have a choice, but we always do.
Kevin
I would even go further and say that it wasn't even a matter of setting the fear aside or choosing courage over fear, some of the cliches in our society around being brave. I think it was more about choosing action in the face of fear, that I wasn't going to let the fear paralyze me and hold me back, that in the face of fear, and because of fear, I was going to move forward and find a way to a greater sense of peace, that doing nothing was part of what was contributing to my fear and being paralyzed. And I would much rather be moving forward in pain and struggle than to be locked in fear, which is, for me, just as painful as the thing that I don't want to do.
Kathy
Yeah, it's a great way to explain it and I think speaking of fear and paralysis of fear another myth that we often hear is, "well, I don't like taking risks". So, if you don't like taking risks, how does courage play into that? I myself don't like taking risks.
Kevin
Yeah, no, I know that you are risk-averse, you're very practical and wanting to slow down, be methodical. It's what makes us great partners because I am the opposite. I'm ready to take a risk that's going to help us to level up and to better our circumstances. But based on what we're talking about today, risk taking as it relates to courage is more about getting honest with those fears inside of us and the things that are holding us back.
Kathy
Yes, I think that that allows courage to become more accessible for us when we frame it in that way. And so the last myth that we want to address today is the "I don't know how to be courageous". In other words, I don't know what everyday courage looks like. What do you say to that?
Kevin
Yeah, I think just based on our conversation today, it's time that we reframe our understanding of courage and the images of people that we have being courageous. I have a feeling my definition of courage in the gladiator in the coliseum is not the best picture of what real courage looks like and has looked like in my life.
Kevin
And so if I have that image of courage, I have a feeling that many people have these gladiator images of courage, and we need to have a different understanding of what courage looks like. And so if we get honest with ourselves and what's happening internally inside of us, and that's courageous, maybe we just look to the mentors in our life, the friends in our life who have made hard decisions, who have overcome their own insecurities and have walked their own path.
Kathy
Yeah, I think that's an excellent point. We began our Spring retreat with talking about the models of courage and thinking about your family of origin, what did you see, what did courage look like for you growing up?
Kathy
I think it's a really important piece to living a courageous life every day. And another answer to the question of "I don't know what courage looks like every day" is this quote from Maya Angelou that she says, "you develop courage by doing courageous things, small things, but things that cost you some exertion." So the good news is that courage can be practiced. And it's just one small step at a time. And I think that can bring us all hope today.
Kevin
And so today we'll end our episode with a peaceful meditation by one of our newest Be Well coaches, Felice St. John. And so wherever you are today, we say blessings to you.
Felice St. John
Sitting comfortably or lying down with your eyes closed, let's begin by becoming aware of the breath. Breathing in slowly through your nose and out through your mouth. Just taking your time to connect with your breath and be with yourself throughout this meditation.
Feel the breath as it enters with a cool feeling and then warming as it gently travels down into the lungs. Fill the lungs with a deep inhale, bringing in energy, vitality, connecting you back to source energy, the life force, God, the universe.
As you exhale, feel the body releasing toxins and stress and any negativity that has accumulated in your body. Stay with this breath, focusing on the feeling of deep peace, deep inhalations and exhalations at your own pace.
Keep with your breath as we continue. What are you holding on to that you need to let go of and release? Conjure an image for that. See it clearly and then let it go. Maybe it's a specific image or a color or a feeling.
Maybe you want to gently take that image from your mind's eye and crumple it up and toss it away to the side. Or maybe it's an image in a cloud and you want to give a big deep exhalation and let that image just blow away.
Feel the energy of release in your body and how that creates new space for a new image of where you are heading. See that image brightly and vividly in your mind. Become aware of the warmth and tingling of every cell in your body as you focus deeply on that new image, that new color.
Feel it in your body. Look at that image in your mind's eye, focusing on it. Feel the energy that is in the extended environment in every part of nature and in every living thing that is working for you and for what you are creating space for.
Bring all those energies together and feel them as one. Visualize all of that thriving energy shining brightly as the sun. Bring the shining glow of bright energy over the crown of your head. Let it hover there for a moment and then feel it starting to travel down into your body from the top of your head.
Slowly going down into your face and neck, traveling down into the shoulders all the way down into your arms and down into your fingers. Feel that healing energy and light going down from your chest all the way down your back, your abdomen into your hips.
Feel it continue traveling down your legs all the way down to your toes. Your whole body is now filled with divine healing light and energy, thriving energy. Allow that healing energy to completely fill any physical area that needs healing energy anywhere in your body.
Feel it warming, healing and expanding through that area with a bright glow. Allow the healing light to bring peace and healing to any emotional issues or traumas. Let it fill the gaps where the old image took up space.
Bring your awareness to any intentions or desires that you may have to your new image. Holding the thoughts of those intentions or desires as you allow the healing energy to bring your deepest desires to life and your intentions into reality.
Feel your connection to divine energy and light and know that all is one. Stay with this deep, relaxing, peaceful feeling of bliss. Inhaling and exhaling slowly. Knowing that you are at peace and that you can tap into this peace anytime you need to, it is accessible to you.
Take a few more deep breaths and when you are ready, you may slowly open your eyes and feel this deep sense of peace that you carry with you.
