Attentive Awareness

In this episode we explore "Awareness" as a practice for Coping. We talk about the 3 levels of awareness and offer real-life examples for each. Listen to the end as we conclude with an awareness prayer. Many blessings to you.

Kathy: Hi, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of "Coping". Today's episode we're talking about awareness. 

Kevin: Yeah. And awareness seems to be a really popular topic right now. I feel like all of the current spiritual practices out there that are being promoted are like meditation and yoga and even the enneagram are promoting mindfulness and awareness. 

Kathy: Yes, definitely. So in this episode, we're not only going to be defining and discussing awareness, but we'll also be giving you some practical tools and tips that help you on the journey to better awareness. 

Kevin: Let's get started. Wow. So awareness such a big topic here. Where should we begin? 

Kathy: Well, the good old dictionary, Miriam Webster, defines awareness as the knowledge and understanding that something is happening or exists. 

Kevin: Yeah, I feel like that's helpful. Right? Because what I think this definition is getting at is that awareness is more than thinking. Right. Because while thinking is a function that the brain performs, Awareness is that higher level functioning. It's like the brain becoming aware of itself almost. Right. In other words, the brain is thinking about thinking. 

Kathy: Whoa. I think we're getting very meta here. 

Kevin: Actually, that's funny that you say that. It is very meta, very self referential. I mean, when we talk about mindful meditation, we're talking about the ability to become aware of oneself. It's really what sets us apart from the animal kingdom. Our brains are wired for meta. To go beyond, to think bigger. So how do you think that awareness plays a role in our everyday lives? It's important to know that there's three different phases of awareness and entering each phase promotes a higher level of awareness. 

Kathy: What are they? 

Kevin: The first and most common is what we'll call post awareness. That is, after a situation or an encounter you take the time to think about it, to ponder and process what happened in hopes of gaining wisdom and doing better. 

Kathy: Yeah, that sounds like something that either we really want to do but we don't have time to do often

Kevin: Yeah, that's true. I think it's important to say that we need to make the time for it, to make the space for post awareness that after things happen we stop and we reflect on it. 

Kevin: So like some examples like post awareness can be done alone like if you're on a walk, go for a run, take that time to think and to kind of reflect on your day. For me I have a 15 minutes commute to and from work I often spend the time in silence without the radio on to think about my day process like what happened but it also could be done in a journal like if you write like a daily journal and reflect on your day and write your thoughts down. Post awareness can also be done with others though like you can talk to a trusted friend who listens well and asks really thoughtful questions that can be a really good post awareness practice

Kathy: And also meeting with a professional spiritual director, therapist, coach to help you basically sort through and process is post awareness correct? 

Kevin: Yeah, absolutely. Meeting with a therapist, you know, a therapeutic relationship is definitely like an awareness, a post awareness practice.

Kathy: And so we have post awareness; what's the next phase? 

Kevin: So the next level of awareness is present awareness so basically. It's the awareness that happens in the moment, in real time. So let's say, for example, you're in a conversation with a partner and they say something that's triggering and you feel in the moment yourself getting upset. That awareness kicks in where you become aware of what's happening in your body with your emotions like the flood of resentment or anger that rises up in you or you feel your body getting really tense or your mind starts to spin and work really fast. You become aware of what's happening. You don't just react to what they said. That's present awareness. 

Kathy: And is that a natural awareness?

Kevin: It's not something that happens naturally. No, I think what's natural is reacting to what happens. What we're trying to teach with awareness practices is to become aware of how we normally react so that we can instead behave how we want to behave and respond the way we want to respond. We shift our awareness from after the argument to during the argument, where in the moment you see yourself getting upset and that's the moment you can begin to change the way they respond. 

Kathy: It's very powerful. Think about how it would change our world. So I would say it's almost like you are an outside observer when this happens of what is taking place within you. 

Kevin: Yeah, it's almost like I've heard it described as like an out of body experience. For some that could be like a bad thing where you're just like an outsider looking in at yourself. But by taking the awareness that you have of what's happening in your body and making changes in the moment is what we're really trying to get at here. Not just the awareness like the switch flipping on, but how you can adjust in the moment. It's not just happening to you, but you're in the moment able to make change. Yeah, it reminds me of I was attempting to watch the Oscars and the channel wasn't there. 

Kathy: So then I went to help Chat to ask them, like, hey, what's up? What's going on? And they're like, oh, yeah, customers have been saying that they don't have the channel. And I said, didn't you just begin charging us extra money for that channel? And they were like, yes. And I became aware in that moment the frustration and anger rising up within me and wanted to say something unkind to the chat person. But instead, because I realized it, I was able to stop and say, is there any way that you can refund me that money right now? And they were like, no, because your bill or something, blah, blah, blah, you'll have to contact us later. Again, making me aware that I was becoming more agitated. But I said, okay, thank you and goodbye. 

Kevin: Yeah, exactly. That's such a good example because you're becoming aware in the moment that's happening and able to make those adjustments. And, of course, talking to your TV provider about a channel that you're missing versus arguing with your partner. Two very different scenarios. One more high stakes, one more low stakes, but still using the tool of awareness to navigate. I think this really gets us to that third and highest level of awareness. 

Kevin: The highest level of awareness is what we'll call proactive awareness. We begin to recognize patterns in our lives, like, in advance, when we're aware ahead of time. We can identify the spaces and places in our lives that cause us to struggle and to stumble. And we even begin to discern, like, the people in our lives who stress us, who exhaust us, versus those who fill and support us when we're aware ahead of time. We can go into these situations with, like, appropriate boundaries and the kind of self compassion that can impact the outcome of those difficult encounters. This is, again, very helpful, and I think it reminds you of the term that you've used before attentive awareness, what you have brought up in previous workshops, and that's the practice of attending to what is going on inside of us. 

Kathy: And while awareness is step one, being attentive is what will bring about the change. 

Kevin: Exactly. Being aware of something is great, but how are you attending to it? What are those changes you want to make in your life of the things that you're aware of? 

Kathy: Extremely helpful and thoughtful on so many levels, these tips today. Thank you. 

Kevin: I should also say that if you're practicing any level of awareness, you're already doing better than most people. I feel like most adults have little to no self awareness and certainly very few, if at all, any practices that promote greater levels of awareness. 

Kathy: Yeah. Thanks so much, Kevin. Well, to end our time today, I thought it would be appropriate to end with a brief awareness prayer. And I'm going to read an adapted version of a prayer written by Jackie Trotman. So whatever you may be coping with today, this prayer is for you. 

Kathy: Dear God, in the noise and busyness of life, I thank you for opportunities to slow down, tune in and become attentive. I am aware of the world around me. 

Kathy: I am aware of the tone of my voice, how to talk to others and how I treat others. I am aware. Of how I talk to myself and treat myself. Thank you for your perfect love. Because of this love, I can treat myself and others with lovingkindness. 

Kathy: Help me to practice awareness in all areas of my life. Help me to be aware of your presence in my life and in the world. Help me each day to become more aware of my body and spirit. Help me to listen to your voice which guides me in all areas of my life. 

Kathy: Through your power and presence within me, I know that I can handle any challenge with grace. Help me to bring this quiet, peacefulness and awareness to each day. Amen.