Unlocking the Prison of Fear & Anxiety
Is Fear & Anxiety the same thing? What's the difference? Listen to this episode that explores the difference between the experience of fear vs. anxiety. We'll break down the myths associated that often keep us trapped in a prison of fear & anxiety. Enjoy.
Kevin: All right. Are you recording? Yeah. Before we get started, I'm just curious, what is one thing that you're feeling anxious about right now?
Kathy: This conversation.
Kevin: No. For all, like, in your life. Like, what are you thinking about that you're anxious about?
Kathy: I think this week we are hit once again with the violence in our nation and in our local, in our state, and then also this week in our family. It touched our community, where the students were faced with a lockdown at school with a nearby suspect roaming around. It was a terrifying violence potential for violence situation.
Kevin: I think that's a great way to start our episode today. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of “Coping”. Today we're talking about anxiety and the very real experience of anxiety. And when we think about anxiety, is it just us, or does everybody experience fear and anxiety in their life?
Kathy: No, I think that we're all struggling with it. There's just different. It's on a continuum and on a spectrum. And so that's what we're talking about today fear, anxiety, and how to cope. Let's get started.
So as we begin our conversation today on fear and anxiety, I think it's important that we understand the relationship between the two.
Kevin: Yeah, definitely.
Kathy: Because the way that we work through these two are different, aren't they?
Kevin: Yeah, exactly. So I did a little bit of looking into the similarities and differences between anxiety and fear, and what's interesting is that we all know that fear and anxiety are words that we often use interchangeably, but they are not the same. They're different. The National Alliance on Mental Illness does a really good job of explaining the differences between the two.
They say fear is a reaction to our environment, whereas anxiety is a reaction to our emotions. So in other words, while fear energizes the body for movement, the fight or flight response, anxiety actually pushes down all that energy and emotion in the hopes of not feeling it anymore.
Kathy: Yeah, that's a really helpful explanation because I think that we often confuse the two. But either way, what I say when I'm working with students is that fear is like a prison. Max Lucado has this great quote that said, “The presence of anxiety is unavoidable, but the prison of anxiety is optional.”
Because so many of us, at different moments and times and spaces, daily, weekly, monthly find ourselves in these prisons, we have to think about, like, what are the keys that can unlock us out of these prisons?
Kevin: I love that analogy about fear being a prison. And so the experience of fear is something that we can't escape, but being locked in that anxiety is something that is a choice. So when we think about keys of unlocking this prison of fear, what are those keys? How do we find those keys? Like, what are they?
Kathy: Well, I think it begins with lies or the myths surrounding fear and anxiety. Like, you just talked about the difference between the two, which is first and fundamentally most important to distinguish the two. But then we have a lot of myths about anxiety and fear. And if we understand the lies that we have believed, then that will help us unlock this prison that we are in. And so the first one that we often wrestle with is the idea that fear is negative and unhelpful. Fear is negative and unhelpful.
Kevin: It's not negative and unhelpful?
Kathy: Actually, it's not, because if we think about even the flight and fight response, it was supposed to show us that there's a trigger or warning sign, an indicator, per se, of, like, that something's not right.
So the analogy I use is, like, if we hear a knock on the door, a rapid knock on the door right now, right away our senses will be like, something's not right. The problem with fear and anxiety is, for some of us, we're hearing the knock on the door when there's not a knock on the door. Right? So the fear in and of itself was an indicator, a warning sign. It wasn't meant to be something that was negative or unhelpful. It actually is a warning sign that something is and to help us prepare for what's up ahead.
Kevin: So fear has always been a part of our survival instincts, something helpful and a positive thing to alert us of danger in our surroundings.
Kathy: 100%.
Kevin: But anxiety is the thing that causes us to fear everything, even when there's not danger around us.
Kathy: Right. Like in your definition, you said that it's a reaction to a feeling or emotion, not an environmental. So, like, the knocking on the door. If you hear knocking or you're afraid that there may come a knocking on the door and there's no evidence to support that that is where it is that anxiety has now taken a foothold as opposed to fear.
Kevin: Interesting.
Kathy: And then the second myth that we often struggle with, some of you may out there be saying, like, like, I don't struggle with fear and anxiety. Like, I don't know what the big deal is. I have all these people so anxious panic attacks. Like, you know, you have friends or relatives and you say, well, I don't struggle with it. Well, the truth is, is that you may struggle with it, as some of us do in another way, because what I teach there is that fear and anxiety often disguises itself as procrastination or avoidance.
Kevin: I know a lot of people like this who said that they don't struggle with anxiety. What's actually happening there? Why is their anxiety taking the form of something other than that anxious feeling that I know very well?
Kathy: Well, I would say that it probably is just the coping strategy. Right. The unhealthy coping strategy is to not, oh, I'm going to have a panic attack, but oh, right. I'm not going to open my bills, I'm not going to look at the assignment. I'm not going to confront the person that was mean to me. I'm just going to put it off.
Kevin: Denying those feelings completely numbing yourself out. That's anxiety too?
Kathy: Absolutely. Because it's an escape behavior. If you think about it, numbing is an escape response, and that's an unhealthy coping. We wish we could all just watch Netflix and be in our beds when bad things happen, or we don't want to deal with the impending doom. That is a very unhealthy coping strategy.
Kevin: So you're saying it's like a version of flight where they're running away from the problem itself and just ignoring it. That that too, is a survival instinct.
Kathy: Right. Flight and escape is the same.
Kevin: Interesting.
Kathy: Yeah. And then I would say the last myth that we often struggle with is that experiencing fear is a sign of weakness. So that we don't want to seem afraid or be weak or be labeled as unable to face things, so that fear is automatically a sign of weakness.
Kevin: Yeah. I would say for this one, for me, whenever I'm feeling anxious, I feel like I did something wrong, that somehow I messed up my well being or my balance in my life. When I'm feeling anxious, for me, I get like really bad headaches when I'm feeling anxious. So I feel like somehow I screwed something up and I allowed this anxiety to happen. And of course, that line of thinking can exasperate it, make it worse.
Kathy: Right. And the truth is that facing our fears actually allows us more freedom and allows us to feel more empowered in our lives. And even if it's just one tiny step at a time. Baby steps of a fear. We just had a workshop and one of the things we encourage attendees is to first of all list their current fears and then also maybe just pick one of them and if they've been procrastinating to go after it, or if they have been afraid to talk with a trusted friend or counselor about a strategy to overcome that fear this week with one step.
Kevin: So when I'm thinking about our listeners who may be experiencing anxiety the way that I do, or experiencing anxiety as procrastination or flight in different form, what advice do you have for them about facing their anxiety and dealing with it? How do you start that process?
Kathy: Well, number one is what we're doing today is that we're acknowledging where we're at. So you would have to think about which one of these myths did you resonate with more than one is fine. Acknowledge where you're at, take the help and support to move forward. And number three would be absolutely 100% no, you're not alone. We're all in this together. We're all facing the highest levels of fear and anxiety that we have ever faced as a nation and country and in the world.
Kevin: Yeah. And I think would even encourage knowing as I deal with my own anxiety sometimes the step before acknowledgment is mindfulness is taking time to slow down, to stop, to get in tune with yourself, to pay attention to the anxiety symptoms that you're having, you're experiencing. And then from that place, offer that affirmation that it's okay to feel anxious about this thing, that this is part of the human experience. But mindfulness is that really good first step to acknowledging what our really difficult experiences are.
Kathy: Yeah. This reminds me of our Fear Not Retreat, where Erika Clawson, who is our spiritual director, presented a calming prayer practices workshop. And there she offered a guided meditation that was so popular that she was asked to rerecord it. And we're so happy to offer that meditation to you now.
Kevin: Yeah. So stay tuned for that guided meditation that's going to be playing next. This is where we say goodbye. So until next time, whatever you may be coping with, blessings to you.
Erika: I will be guiding us through a calming prayer practice that can help us connect our mind, body, heart and soul to the God of love. So that as we experience God's perfect love, the control that our fears and anxieties have over us may lessen.
Erika: Imaginary prayer is when we enter our imagination with Jesus and open ourselves up to whatever gift Jesus desires to offer us. I will invite you to imagine a specific scene, but please feel free to adapt it to whatever works best for you.
As we begin, I invite you to focus on your breath. Notice your inhalation and your exhalation. Let yourself breathe in and out, naturally connecting with the Holy Spirit that is within you. Now you may close your eyes and imagine a favorite place of yours.
A place where you feel at peace, where you feel safe. Your own sanctuary. It could be your bedroom, a place outdoors, a real place, or one that exists in your imagination. Enter that place in your imagination.
In that place, you feel free. You feel comfort and warmth. You are there now, and you feel peace. You notice that there are two chairs or perhaps a sofa. You sit down alone and in a comfortable position.
You hear a knock at the door. Slowly, you get up and go to open the door. You gaze into a tender and direct gaze of another you. It is Jesus. Stay in this moment and notice how it feels to have Jesus in front of you right now.
You look at Jesus and invite him to enter your safe place. You ask him to sit next to you. You notice that he is carrying a box. What does the box look like? You ask Jesus about the box. Jesus reminds you of a Bible verse that says give all your worries and cares to God for he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7. And then Jesus invites you to put all your worries, fears and anxieties into the box. Watch as your worries and anxieties go into the box. How do you feel as you watch this? Are there any that want to come back out of the box?
Are there any that you would like to talk to Jesus about? Take this next minute in silence and talk to Jesus about them. Listen to his response. When you are ready, imagine that Jesus closes the box and he is smiling to even though we know that Jesus is always with us, this prayer time is coming to an end.
And so imagine now that Jesus hugs you as he gets ready to leave. What would you ask Jesus for before he leaves? How would you say goodbye to each other as you leave the sanctuary in your imagination?
Wiggle your toes and fingers and come back to this present moment. Slowly open your eyes and notice that you are here. How are you feeling now? If you have time, I encourage you to pause this recording and take five minutes to journal, draw, color or do whatever that may help you process or savor this time with Jesus.
And as we conclude, receive this blessing from Jan Richardson's poem entitled Beloved is where we begin.
If you would enter into the wilderness. Do not begin without a blessing. Do not leave without hearing who you are beloved, named by the one who has traveled this path before you.
Do not go without letting it echo in your ears. And if you find it's hard to let it into your heart, do not despair. That is what this journey is for. I cannot promise this blessing will free you from danger, from fear, from hunger or thirst, from the scorching of sun or the fall of the night.
But I can tell you that on this path there will be help. I can tell you that on this way there will be rest. I can tell you that you will know the strange graces that come to our aid only on a road such as this, that fly to meet us, bearing comfort and strength, that come alongside us for no other cause than to lean themselves toward our ear and with their curious insistence, whisper our name.
Beloved. Beloved. Beloved. Amen.
