Be Well Presents: A Coping Conversation - "Acceptance"

Are you in need of acceptance? Listen in to our Coping Conversation with Amy, who shares her powerful story of acceptance.

Kevin: Welcome. I'm Chaplain Kevin, and today I'm talking with Amy, who, from a young age, learned not to allow her physical limitations to limit her life. Throughout her journey, she faced countless challenges, including discrimination, as she made her way toward acceptance. This is “Coping”. 

Amy, I am so excited to have you here with me today. Thank you for joining me and sharing some of your story with us. 

Amy: You're welcome.

Kevin: So, as I read your story, one of the things that stuck out to me most was this idea of acceptance. How do you define acceptance? What does that word mean to you?

Amy: Acceptance, for me, means embracing the unexpected. Where in your life have you had to have this kind of acceptance? Well, I think from the very beginning, I was born premature. My mother was 22 weeks into her pregnancy when she was diagnosed with preeclampsia and went into labor. So I was born via an emergency C section. And essentially, they told her sister, who was with her at the time, to just brace the family because they weren't sure either one of us was going to make it through that. 

And my mom said she was able to hear that even though she was sedated, but she felt peace. She wasn't afraid. Wow. She felt that everything was going to be okay. 

Kevin: Wow. And where do you think that that peace came from for her? Where did she get that kind of peace?

Amy: My mother has always been a very faith filled person. So I just think that she knew that God was with her at that moment and that everything was going to be okay, no matter how complicated it was. 

So, like I said, I was born via C section. My mother didn't get to physically see me at all. They took a picture of me and life flighted me to the neighboring town because the town I was born in did not have a NICU. At that time, I was in the hospital for two months because I only weighed three pounds 5oz. Wow. So basically they kept me for two months to gain weight. After the two months, I was able to go home, and my mother was under the impression that she had a healthy, perfect baby girl. 

So at six months, my mom, of course, like any mother, would play with her child, and she noticed that I would reach out for the toys, but I would not open my hands. My hands were always in a fist. So at six months old, I'm getting an MRI and all these tests to see why I wouldn't open my hands, because outwardly I looked like a healthy baby girl. 

They come to find in the MRI that since I was so premature, I lacked oxygen in the brain, which caused, essentially brain damage. And I was then diagnosed with cerebral palsy. So even though she received difficult news to cope with or accept, she knew that if she worked hard with me, she could provide the best life that she could give me. 

Kevin: It sounds like your mom was the first example in your life of teaching you how to embrace the unexpected. Can you speak to that a little bit? How did she teach you how to have that kind of acceptance? 

Amy: So the way she did that was basically teach me that I would be able to be as independent as I could possibly be and that I should never allow myself to feel inferior to everyone else because of my physical disability. 

My father did the same thing. He held education to be one of the most important things in life, and he also included me in every single activity he could possibly include me in, which meant changing the lock on the door or going fishing or giving the dog a bath. I mean, for him, I was his daughter, and my physical disability was not going to stop me from doing every single other activity that any other child could do. It sounds like part of what your parents were teaching you was that acceptance doesn't accept the limitation and that your physical limitations is not going to limit you in your life. 

Kevin: Exactly. Yeah. So your parents were this great model for you in your life. Where did your journey take you next?

Amy: So when I started school, I was three years old, so it was 1990, and it was the beginning of ADA awareness in our country. So there was a moment when I was in school and the special education classroom had an accessible bathroom, but no other restroom in the school had an accessible. Stall. Wow. So here you see me with another classmate trekking down the hall as quickly as I could because I had no access to one near me. 

Actually, my mother fought for those things, and we got them placed before I left that school. Wow. That's amazing. So I was the only child in school that walked in a walker. A lot of times, that's how I was recognized the girl in the walker. But the time I really started to feel very different and very maybe not accepted by my peers was mostly in high school. So I couldn't sit in the same desks that my classmates did. I always had to have a special desk to myself, which, without the teachers realizing, kind of set me apart from everybody. So I always found it difficult when teachers would say, okay, let's work in groups. I couldn't get up to approach anyone because, of course, they would set my walker aside so it wouldn't be in the way. But my classmates wouldn't approach me either, and then the teacher would have to ask a group to include me. But I did realize they're only working with me because the teacher asked them to, not because it came from them to, oh, I want to work with Amy. 

It wasn't this overt mistreatment. It was more just the subtle things that reminded you of being different. I think the only time I faced a very overt situation that I knew I was different was when my English teacher freshman year told me I could not be in her class. 

I was very fortunate that my high school did have a very good department for students with disabilities. So I told them about that situation, and they went with me and my mother to talk to that teacher, and she said it wasn't because I had a physical disability, but she thought I could not handle her coursework. But she only made that judgment upon seeing me with my physical disability. Wow. She had not even graded an assignment of mine yet because we were early in the school year. She saw you, and she already decided what grade you were going to get. 

I had already submitted an assignment to her. So the person from the Department of Students with Disabilities at the school asked her, you have her assignment. Grade it. Grade it first before you make that decision. And she said, okay, but I'm a very hard grader. Very few of my students ever get A's from me because I'm very strict. Sure. So we sat there as she graded my assignment, and she gave me an A. Wow. Yes. 

Kevin: Yeah. That's awesome.

Amy:  So in high school, I was a very good student. I was actually part of a program called the IB program. Basically, you're taking college level courses. So when I graduated high school, I graduated with a 3.67 GPA. And when I started college, I did not have to take English, History, or the initial classes for, like, a foreign language, thanks to me being part of that program.

Kevin: And your hard work.

Amy:  My goodness, yes. Definitely hard work. At that point, I felt that I needed to spread my wings and go away to school. So, without telling my parents, I applied to three different universities. All three of them different distances away from home, and I got accepted to all three. So I first told my father I felt that he would be more receptive to it than my mother, so I told him first. The first thing he asked me was, have you told your mother? And I said, no. And he said, Well, I support you 100%. 

I said thank you. I'm glad you feel that way. I said, But I need you to help me tell mom.So we went together and we told her, and she was like, no, you're not going. And I said, Why? 

She said, well, you don't know how to do laundry. You don't know how to cook for yourself. She was coming up with all these things that she told me I could not do. And I looked at her and I said, mom, but my whole life you've told me I need to learn to be independent, because there will be a time when you're no longer with me. And my mom's like, I don't know what you're going to do, but you're not going. And I was faced with having to say one of the harshest things I've ever said to my mother. And I basically turned to her and said, if I didn't have my physical disability, would you be saying no to me right now? 

She looked at me with tears in her eyes, and it took her a minute, and she said, no, I wouldn't. That was the end of that conversation. A month later, we were going to orientation and looking for apartment. 

Kevin: Wow. We'll be right back.

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Kevin: Welcome back. 

Amy: So from here, I'm a new town that I've never in my life been. I have a roommate who's a person that I met when I met, like, two days before school started and I'm faced with having to do everything my mom did for me. And I remember rolling through the kitchen one day, and I'm like, this is sticky. And I was like, I'm going to mop. And I remember my mom calling me and saying, what are you doing? 

And I'm like, I'm mopping the kitchen. She was like, how in the world are you allowed people mopping that kitchen? Who told you to do that? I'm like me. How are you doing it? I'm like, I'm sitting in the scooter in the carpeted area, and the mop is long, and the kitchen is not very big, and I have long arms. 

So, yeah, this is how I'm mopping the kitchen. And she's like, Only you would come up with a way to do these things. I'm like, I have to. The floor was sticky. I couldn't take it anymore. Um 

Kevin: You were figuring it out? 

Amy: Yes, just figuring it out. Yeah. So it was a very enjoyable time. I learned a lot. I also learned about the kindness of people in general, which many people will say today we lack a lot of but it's still out there. 

I even met a friend. Of course, she started out as a classmate who tells me one day, hey, if you want to go to the grocery store after class, I can take you. And I'm thinking, well, I'm in my scooter. Not most vehicles can accommodate that. I can. You sure about that? She's like, yeah, definitely. I can take you. I said, well, if you want, just meet me at my apartment. I could pick up my walker, and then we can go. She said, no, we can go from school. I have a wheelchair van. I'm like, I have a wheelchair van. Why? Oh, because a family member. And in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, what are the odds that I meet a person with a wheelchair van who's willing to take me to the grocery store? 

So my senior year, I was actually only taking one class because I'd already taken all the other classes that I needed to graduate, and that class revolved around an internship. So I reach out to Brenner's Hospital for Children here in Houston. 

Amy: I grew up doing surgeries, therapy, the works, because of my disability there. So I figured since I already knew people there, I had a better chance of obtaining an internship. So I went there as they're telling me, yeah, you can do your internship here, but also we have a job opening if you're willing to take it. I apply. A week later, I interview. A week later, I'm hired. So here I am, working at the hospital that saw me grow up and doing my internship with the person who ended up becoming my supervisor. So I graduated in December of 2013 with a bachelor's degree of science in Health administration. 

My plan was to work for a year, then go back and get my master's degree. So I go to work in August 2014. It's a Wednesday. I remember. I get up, do my morning routine, go to work. I'm having in my mind a pretty good day. I did work on the nursing unit, and things were going smoothly. Almost midway through my shift, I get a phone call from my mother. She says, Amy, can you tell them you need to leave early, and I have someone on the way to pick you up? And I asked her. I said why? What's wrong? She says, we just have a family emergency. So at first, I'm not panicked, and I let my boss know, hey, I need to go home. They're on the way. So I said, well, if anything is going on, my dad will know. 

I call him. No answer. Go to voicemail. That sometimes happens, especially if he's at work. So I didn't think much of it. He'll call me back. He was really good at calling me right back. About an hour passes by, and the person that's picking me up is taking a little while. So about an hour passes by, and I still don't get a phone call from him. I call him again. At this point, I get nervous, and I start shaking. And my coworkers are like, Amy, you know what? Stop what you're doing. 

They somehow got my belongings together. I don't even know how. And they say, “Go downstairs and wait for your ride.” So I go down to our lobby to wait for my ride, and I decide to call my mom. Well without her knowing she clicks on her cell phone, and I recognize that she's talking to one of my dad's brothers in Mexico. And all I hear her say is, Felipe passed away, which is my dad's name. I lose it. I hang up. I start crying. 

I am basically screaming. The security guard was nearby, and he says, what's wrong? What's wrong? And I just tell him, my dad died. My dad died. And he calls another security guard who was a good friend of mine there at work, to be there with me. 

I'm distraught at this point. My ride finally gets there and picks me up. I get home, my mom just runs to me and hugs me. And at this point, she's bawling. I come into my room, and that was the first night. 

What happened was that he just had a massive heart attack that took him on the spot. By the time paramedics got to him, there was nothing they could do. Gosh, I'm so sorry, Amy. So it was a shock. It was, once again an unexpected event for all of us. And honestly, at that point, I felt like there was a huge hole inside of me. I don't know how else to describe it. Your parents have taught you your entire life how to embrace the unexpected.

Kevin: How did you get to a point where you could accept this kind of loss? 

Amy: It's a little complicated. I knew dad was gone. I knew that I would never physically see him again. I was able to accept that part. But. But without realizing, I kind of just got stuck in life, if that makes sense. I just got into this daily routine. Didn't stray from it one bit. Didn't move forward from where I was in terms of life goals and things I knew I wanted to do, dad knew I wanted to do. I didn't do that. 

My mom would tell me, you promised your dad you'd go back to school. It really took seven years and working with a professional to move on from that. It really took. I'll be honest. And as crazy as it seems, pandemic starts 2020. My anxiety hits the roof. And I remember one morning I called work crying, saying that I couldn't come in. I just couldn't take it. And my boss just ever so gently says, you know, you need help, right? And I say, yeah. And she says, I'll check back with you in a couple of days, but I want to know when I call you again that you've at least set something up. It was time. It was time to get unstuck. It was so I was able to find a professional and work. 

I was able to just finally, I guess, get unstuck, just kind of pull all those dreams out of that hole that I was stuck in and move on with them, which hadn't happened in years.

Kevin: As you think about others who may be struggling with acceptance and embracing the unexpected, what advice do you have for them? 

Amy: I think the biggest advice would be that know that you're not alone. No matter what the unexpected is, you're not alone. Another lesson that I thought of was being grateful for the small things like I mentioned when I was in college, meeting someone that had a wheelchair event or just basically having a friend that would say, oh, let me cook you dinner. Most people might take that for granted, but for me, that was huge. That was significant. I always remembered what my father would tell me. You will figure out a way, even if it's different, even if it takes longer, you'll figure out a way. 

It brings me back to the embracing of the unexpected, because I will be able to face anything else that life could throw at me.

Kevin: Well, Amy, thank you so much for sharing your story with me today. Thank you for your strength. Thank you for your wisdom today.

Amy: Thank you, Kevin, so much.