Thanks-living
Thanksgiving gives us an opportunity to practice giving thanks especially as we prepare for the holiday season. However, Thanksgiving is only a one-day-a-year holiday. How do we develop a daily practice of giving thanks? Listen now.
Kathy: Welcome, everyone. Happy Thanksgiving. We're so excited to offer this special episode edition of Coping for Thanksgiving. And I want to say that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year, not just because of the food, but because of the reason for the season. And that's actually a clue about what our episode is going to be about. But I wonder, Kevin, what's your favorite part of this holiday?
Kevin: Yeah, Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. Not my favorite, but the food definitely is up there. Kathy's a really good cook, so I also enjoy eating her cooking this time of year, especially all the leftovers. I think my favorite part of Thanksgiving, though, is it's the beginning of a season, of our year, of our life, where we begin to become more mindful, more thoughtful. I feel like there's a shift as the weather begins to change, it gets a little bit cooler. We start to make plans of gathering with friends and family, maybe even put in some PTO requests from work, that we start to become more thoughtful, more intentional, especially as we're leading into Christmas and then even the new year.
Kevin: Reflecting back on the year, I find myself always turning inward, thinking about my values, my priorities, where I've come from, where I'm going the following year. Thanksgiving is that first step to unintentional space and makes me more mindful, especially as I think about what I'm grateful for.
Kathy: I think also possibly because the weather changes, signals us to change our posture and our mindset toward winter, which is a time we know of deep reflection, the season of reflection, whereas the fall season is the harvest time. And the time of gathering. And so, yeah, that's exciting. This is an exciting season. It's cooler, wet temps here in La. For us, that means 60 degrees. Sorry, all of you winter birds. We're enjoying lovely weather here.
Kathy: I think why we wanted to talk specifically about Thanksgiving was to talk about what happens on 364 of the other days of the year. If Thanksgiving is one day a year, is it possible to extend that? And it's a concept that we're going to call Thanks-Living. So I'm excited to discuss and to hear from our community about this topic today. Welcome.
Kathy: So, welcome to this episode, our special Thanksgiving episode. And as we mentioned, we are diving into this topic of how do we celebrate Thanksgiving all the rest of the days of the year? How does it become a practice? And there's a quote I'd like to begin with with Anne Vosskamp. She's a writer, New York Times bestselling author. She's written a bestselling book called A Thousand Gifts, where she began to make a list of things that she was thankful for and it changed her way of life. And so here's what she says. She writes, "we give thanks to God, not because of how we feel, but because of who he is. God calls us to not only give thanks, but to do thanks that our Thanksgiving might literally become."
Kathy: Thanks-living. I'll say that second portion again. God calls us to not only give thanks, but to do thanks that our Thanksgiving might literally become thanks living. Very good. And what are your thoughts on that, Kevin?
Kevin: Yeah, I mean, I have never heard this quote before. You shared it with me for this episode. It is very powerful to think about the practice or the season of Thanksgiving being something that we live in our lives beyond just the holiday. I love how she makes a distinction between giving thanks, meaning, like, something that we say, especially at one time of year, and something that we do, that we're expressing our gratitude through our practices, through our behavior, through our relationships. It's not just something that we give, as she says. It's something that we live. I think that's what I most attempt to be most intentional about with Thanksgiving, that it's not just a season where I'm expressing the things that I'm grateful for, but becoming reflective about my life in general. How is my life in line with my values? What are those changes that I need to make to be living a life of thanks, to be living a life of gratitude? And I think she nailed it with the point of this season isn't just about giving thanks on Thanksgiving, but it's about living into our Thanksgiving beyond just the holiday. Yeah, it's really good. What do you think about it? How do you interpret it?
Kathy: Sure. So I know her backstory. She's come from a lot of trauma in her life and a lot of brokenness and heartache and struggle. She's not speaking as -- she's Canadian and she's a farmer's wife, so it's a very different type of lifestyle that they live. But to be able to. Focus on the everyday simple things that she was grateful for, transformed her pain, and it redeemed it. And so because I've seen that example in her life, having to do some of those same practices for my life, I have seen the same sorts of changes, where one of the things that we can do and we'll be talking about this later in gratitude practices is being able to focus on what we have instead of what we don't. And all of a sudden our perspective changes.
Kevin: One of the things that comes to mind for me is I know in my life there being a lot of obstacles and struggles to living into this thanks living practice. I know that I don't always feel grateful, I don't always want to give thanks or there's a lot going on in my life that is difficult. Although I'm grateful, there are things that I'm still grateful for. There's really hard things in my life, things that my mind is focusing on, problems that I'm encountering, really difficult situations. And so I guess I wonder, in your conversations with students, what are some of the main obstacles that stand in the way of students living out this practice of thanks living and how do we get around it? I mean, that's my main question. How do we get around it?
Kathy: And I think for me, I thought this was silly writing down a list of things I'm thankful, is that going to solve any of my issues? So I think that we think there's scriptures that say in everything, give thanks, right? And we're like, what? When I realized that and this has happened to us, that our house is 90 days away from being sold. On auction, not by our you shared. That story in your podcast episode. Like, how do you decide? Yay, I'm thankful. But I don't think that's what Paul is saying. And it's not what Anne is saying either. What she's saying is that what we focus on grows. And so I think for my students, what happens is all they can see are the problems. All they can feel is the pain. All they can see is how they what they don't have. And that's why gratitude and gratitude practices and this thanks way of thanks living is so powerful. Because if we stop and pause in our day and just think, it's noon, it's lunchtime, can I think about three positive things that happen today that I'm grateful for, then we begin to see where God is in that and we bring him back into the conversation.
Kathy: But that's really the hardest part, I feel, of this, is to pause and do the intentional practice practice. It it sounds like that practice shifts your focus away from the things that you don't have and the challenges that you're facing, which are very scarcity mindset. That we all suffer from so badly.
Kevin: It just changes your perspective. It doesn't change the situation.
Kathy: Sure. Yeah. Right.
Kevin: Yeah. How do you encourage people to remember to pause? What are the ways that we can disrupt our normal way of focusing on all the problems? How do we disrupt that? How do we change our focus in the moment? How do we remember to do that?
Kathy: It is just like anything else, discipline or a practice. If we want to eat healthy, then we have to plan our meals. If we want to have a mindset of feeling like God's providing for us, then we need to focus on what he is providing for us. Sure. So it needs to just be something that you actually intentionally are doing every single day, every single month, every single year. And I think that we're going to get into that later on in our podcast today. It also says it's something that you plan to do in advance, that if you know that you want to be living a more thanks living life, you have to plan for it.
Kevin: Build it into your day, set reminders on your phone, even choose somebody in your life who can keep you accountable.
Kathy: And gather all the materials, right? The journals, the jars, the app and create space for it. Because that's another huge obstacle, is that we're so busy, we're so distracted, and we're so connected in unhealthy ways to technology, to social media, to other people, whatever you want to call it. Things are not in its proper place. We can put it like that. And so then gratitude doesn't have any space. Practices don't have any space to exist. It's really good. I like it. So for this episode, we thought we were going to go into our community and I had the privilege and blessing of interviewing one of the members of our community Anleysha Kearney and about this because when I think of this word, I think of her and she's going to explain to us a little bit about Thanks-living and how this came to be a practice in her life. So let's listen into her.
Kathy: Hi, Anleysha. It's so great to have you on our podcast for our Thanksgiving podcast. And I thought of you because we are talking today about this concept of Thanks-living. And I wonder what life circumstances have led you to think about living a life of Thanks-living? Can you share a little bit about that?
Anleysha: Sure. Good morning and thank you for the invite. As far as my life circumstances go, I think the first major event was the birth of my first child in 2011. I had a complicated pregnancy throughout that. And so just being really grateful and thankful that she was able to be here and she was healthy and she's still healthy. And then most recently, I've been dealing with some pretty major health issues since the summer of 2019. So while I'm not completely healed, I'm a lot better than I was. And so that obviously puts things into perspective. And what do you think then it means to live this life of thanks living? For me, it's finding something or someone to be grateful for as often as possible and just being thankful for that thing or that person.
Kathy: Excellent. So very simple, but very, very deep and hard to, I'm sure, focus on at different times. And what are the practical ways then you do this every day. What does a day in the life of thanks living look like for you?
Anleysha: So I take things day by day. I don't focus too much on going too far ahead. And a lot of times it's moment by moment. For me, I'm thankful for the days where I feel good and my health isn't an issue. But I also take all that in even more because I know how bad it can be or how bad I can feel. And then I just find something good daily, even if it's a small thing. Because for me, I look at the bigger picture, and life is composed of a lot of small things just put together. And then, most importantly, I put a genuine effort into talking to God every day and just to thank Him for something. Thank you. And finally, what would you want to say to any of our listeners out there who really desire to live a life of Thanks-living. Sorry. I know it might sound corny, but life is truly a gift, and we take so much for granted. And if you're in the middle of your storm, just try to keep in mind that it won't last forever and things will eventually get better. And every time the Lord wakes you up, it's an opportunity for you to appreciate your life.
Kathy: It's so heartfelt and so profound. We're with you, Anleysha. Thank you so much.
Anleysha: Thank you.
Kevin: Wow. It's powerful. She exemplifies somebody who is living it. Really living it. And there's something about illness that really wakes you up and gives you the kind of perspective that you need to be grateful with all things and recognize, as she said, what a great gift this life is, what a wake up call illness can be. And second to that, if not before that, when there's complications with your child, when they're ill or their life is in danger, gosh, I don't think that there's any two greater wake up calls than that. Something wrong with your child, something not the way it's supposed to be with your child and your own health in jeopardy. Those are the two ways that God wakes us up the most, I think. Really powerful. Thank you for sharing that, Anleysha. Thank you so much. And you know Anleysha better than I do. What else do you have to say about her reflection?
Kathy: Yeah, what struck me was this quote where she said, anytime the Lord wakes you up, it's an opportunity to appreciate your life. And I know for me and a lot of my students, when God wakes us up, it's an opportunity to try and fix it or try and get out of it or try and deny it or try and not pause, not stop, not listen. And so gratitude is not my natural go to in crisis, but I think what we do in crisis is a reflection of what we practice every day. And so I want that to be my go to is gratitude. And what she models for us is because she's doing that every single day. That when the storms will come again for her family, she will have practiced and she knows how to do this. Yeah, it's an amazing testimony. And I know her personality and I have worked with her, known her a number of years. Her personality is the take charge person. She she's an eight on the enneagram for you enneagram buffs out there. It's not easy for her to stop her forward progress in her forward motion, but she is committed to doing that every day for her and her family. Really powerful. I think that leads us to our principle for this podcast and that's that.
Kevin: Thanks-Living is a way of life meant to be lived in all seasons. I'll say that again, Thanks-Living is a way of life meant to be lived in all seasons. And so what this season is really about, our hope for you all who are listening, is that as we enter this season of Thanksgiving, that it be an opportunity to reflect on our lives as a whole and learn how to lean into Thanksgiving not just in this season, but in every season of our lives.
Kathy: And what do you think then? We talked a little, we touched on this a tiny bit. What do you think this looks like every single day? So Anleysha shared her practice of trying to focus on one grateful thing each day. Another practice we've done in our family is to before bed of time, think of three things you're grateful for. Write it in gratitude journal. And they have to be new things, not oh, thank you for God. We were saying that today like we are thankful for God, but like something new that happened and it can be very small but relevant. My daughter was talking about a mini Oreo cheesecake that I bought for her today as a dessert, as something she's thankful for. So know that the small things count as you're doing this, as you're making your list, as you're counting, as Anne says, you can count anything that you are thankful for. So that's what I would say for, like, some examples.
Also, we have in our family a gratitude jar. We call it a joy jar. There's pieces of paper there next to it, and they can walk by and put in something they're grateful for. Again, if you have if you plan it out, it becomes something that's as easy and as natural as making a cup of coffee or in our house, a cup of tea every day.
Kevin: Yeah. And I think that it's a good point in our family when we do this joy jar. When you're doing it as a community, as a family, or with somebody else, it can really keep you accountable to making sure that you're building this as a practice, something that you're leaning into, living into. But it also gives you one more thing to be grateful for the people that you're doing it with. And that practice can be something that you're leaning into itself. So the dividends of gratitude sort of multiply when you share the practice with others that you care about.
Kathy: Yeah, and I love how you talk about community because it doesn't have to be like your immediate family if you're single. Or it can be at your workplace, it can be with your small group, it can be with your book club. Wherever you gather, you can do these practices. That's right. And what do you think about yearly, kevin, what do you say? How do we do yearly gratitude reflection practices?
Kevin: Yeah, as I was saying at the beginning of this episode, I feel like that natural season change for me has become when I feel it start getting a little bit cooler and I pull out my sweaters and start wearing hoodies and sweaters and jackets and stuff, it just naturally becomes a time where I'm becoming more reflective. But I think it's also a practice that you can build in that this time of year, we naturally take time to go visit family and friends. We take time off from work to spend Thanksgiving with our family or with our immediate family. But we can also find a way to take off time from work, to go on a retreat, a silent retreat. To use this time of year when we would typically put in PTO to be spending with other people, to find some alone time with God, to spend some alone time with ourselves, to reflect, to journal, to do some meaning making.
Kevin: So I think we have the PTO, we're going to use it. We might as well take it and build in some of that self care time as well. And I know one of the practices we do with our community is coming up on December 8, if anyone is interested in signing up for our year and review workshop, it's an opportunity to reflect on everything we have, all the materials, and then to intentionally set a new word for the year upcoming.
Kathy: And this is, I would say, a cousin of gratitude. Is this reflection, would you say? Yeah, I'd say that they go hand in hand, probably even closer than cousins. In order to be be grateful, you have to be mindful, you have to reflect.
Kevin: I think oftentimes, especially. In the life of faith. We spend a lot of time praying and asking God for things, and then how quickly we forget to remember the ways that God has answered our prayers, and we go on to the next prayer, the next thing that we need, and we don't take time to remember. I think remembrance is the thing that builds our faith. It can also be the thing that builds our gratitude as well. When we remember how God has provided, when we remember the people in our lives who have been there for us when when you did the most. It's the remembrance, the reflection part of it that is often missing in our practice. Yeah.
Kevin: And I just want to also give a plug for the Year in Review retreat. It's one of my favorite things to do because it's one that I participate in as well as teach with Kathy, for the last how many years have we been doing this now? Four or five years.
Kathy: We have just been doing it with the community. Yeah. Maybe about four or five years. Personally, I think I've been doing it seven or eight years.
Kevin: Seven years? Yeah. So we've been doing this longer in our family, but we've been teaching about four or five years in our community. And it's such a powerful practice to choose to reflect on the year, obviously, but then to choose a new word and set a new intention for the new year. In fact, I'll share this with you all on my Apple Watch I have I choose whatever my word is, and then I find a screen saver to go on my Apple Watch, and I find maybe, like, five or six of them. So every time I look up my watch, I see on the back of my watch the word that I chose for the year. And so my word for this year is Ford, and it can mean different things at different times, different months. But it's been the word of intention for me this year, so I have no idea what my word will be next year. But it'll be nice to take some time to reflect and then see how a new word arises for me. And whatever that word might be, it will have all the meaning that God is intending to offer me in this new season.
Kathy: It's all part of our Thanks-living is the reflection portion of it. And so then to review, let's review our principle, which is that we want Thanks-living to not to be a season, not to be just a season, but every lived every single day of the year. And any other thoughts as we conclude?
Kevin: Yeah, I think the other thing is to build practices of gratitude. Remember, as Ann Vaskamp says, it's something that we do, not just something that we say. Thanksgiving is about a practice, something tangible. And I'd also say taking time to reflect whether you actually take a day off from work or take some time in your day when you're on vacation to go reflect on your own, do some journaling. It's the remembrance that helps us to build our faith and to build the things help us to live into and lean into that gratitude and make us feel grateful when. We take the time. To shift our perspective and the reflection.
Kathy: Well, Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. And shall we say Happy Thanks-living?
Kevin: Thanks, guys.
