"Exchanging Gifts" - Hardship & the Holidays

Hardship is that unwanted and unexpected spiritual gift that can't be returned or refunded. Listen in to our special holiday episode as we discuss one holiday tradition that may help us cope better with hardships.

Kathy: Welcome, everyone, to a special Christmas episode. And it's exciting because this is the holiday season, and as I speak, my living room is currently flooded with packages and gifts that keep arriving that I haven't had time to unwrap. And so that brings up our topic that we are going to be talking about this afternoon, and that is the theme of gifts. 

Kevin: Absolutely. It's this time of year where this theme of gifts really arises for us. It's a tradition that we do year after year where whether we're giving gifts or receiving gifts, it's something that almost all religions, all people participate in this exchanging of gifts.

Kathy: And it's also a great time, I know, for us to look back on the spiritual gifts of this past year of 2022. And we have that tradition of doing that with our community and with our family, and it's such an important practice. 

Kevin: Yeah, I think it's important that we look at all of the gifts that we've received, all the spiritual ones, which also includes the hardships that we've endured. Hardships are like those gifts that are freely given, but always unexpected and definitely unwanted. It was like this time that I received a box of gourmet nuts as a gift one time it was from a relative, and I thought to myself, oh, great, thanks. I'm allergic to nuts, but thanks anyway, I appreciate it. Of course, I never said anything to them, but it's one of those things. It's an unwanted, unexpected gift that I get from a relative who probably should know that I have an allergy to nuts. 

Kathy: But, yeah, we always receive those surprise physical gifts. But also, I think there's been a lot of surprises of unexpected things that are coming our way this year. So we're going to talk about what we can do and receive these gifts. Let's get started. 

Kathy: So hardships are those unwanted, unexpected spiritual gifts? And I know our family has faced some of these hardships this past year. Kevin, do you want to share some of those maybe unexpected gifts that you received? 

Kevin: Yeah. So just recently, I received the gift of rest, which sounds like a gift that you would want to receive, but it was unexpected and unwanted because I was forced to take some extended time off from work after a recent visit with my doctor where he strongly recommended that I take this time to process some of the stress that I've been through this last year and the last few years through COVID. 

Kathy: Yeah, that's really hard and unexpected, it sounds like. And I know for unexpected gifts this year, we received a lot of breakdowns, had some plumbing breakdowns. We had an AC breakdown at the height of the heat wave here in LA in August. It was terrible. We had to go to a hotel. And then shortly after that, my car broke down and was declared a total loss. So it was a lot of unexpected hardships. 

Kevin: Yeah. And I know it's not just us, but our community as well, has had some of their own hardships and unexpected spiritual gifts this last year. Kathy and I just led a workshop recently that. We asked this question to our community. What are some of the unexpected spiritual gifts that you've received this last year? And they had some interesting things to say here. Let's listen into a clip of that. Okay. 

Attendee 1: The really unwanted sort of expected gift was the death of my mother on August 5th. She was almost 93 and we had three months of really hard suffering with her in Texas. So not totally unexpected, but certainly unwanted at this point. Yeah, but she's in a better place for sure. 

Kevin: So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing. 

Attendee 2: I have one. About a month ago, my boss told me that she wanted me gone from our office, so I am retiring early. 

Kevin: Wow. Thank you. 

Attendee 3: A couple: One, I just I found out tonight to turn off our gas tomorrow because of a major leak. We live on a large piece of property with about twelve of us. And so that was one unexpected thing because they say take your shower early, et cetera, et cetera. 

And the other unexpected gift only because they were two real close friends of the family passed away within six months. Just about five months ago. 

Kevin: Thank you. I'm sorry for your loss as well. 

Attendee 3: I'll go ahead and share. I don't know that it's actually unwanted or I guess definitely I didn't see it coming, but I left my job. I quit willingly. So I don't know if you could say it's unexpected or unwanted. But I willingly quit my job without having another one because the conditions with my boss was just really horrible. So I would have never thought I'd see myself in that place. So I'm at a crossroads in my life and didn't see this coming.

Kevin: Sure. Thank you. 

Kathy: Wow. So, yeah, hardship is never something we ask for, but is always freely given. 

Kevin: Yeah. As you heard, really difficult things that our community has been through, difficult things that we've been through. Hardship, as you said, never something we want. Always unexpected, but something that's freely given to to all of us. But when I think about the holidays and the excitement around gifts and the expectation of unwrapping those gifts on Christmas morning, I'm always reminded of my favorite holiday tradition, and it's actually my favorite way to exchange gifts, and that's through the White Elephant gift exchange. 

Maybe some of you have heard of this or even participated in this practice, but what makes this tradition exciting is that participants exchange the gifts that they brought with somebody else in hopes of trading for something better. And when I think about this fun activity, I wonder what the spiritual application is for those hardships, those really difficult, unexpected, unwanted spiritual gifts that we've received throughout this last year. 

Is it possible to do a White Elephant gift exchange with these unwanted spiritual gifts that we've received this past year? 

Kathy: Yeah. That's such a neat thought. It reminds me of this game we would play in college, like the White Elephant Exchange. It was called Bigger and Better. And when we exchange these hard things, God promises us something much, much better. It reminds me of the verse in Isaiah 61:3 that says, “God has sent me to give them a beautiful crown in exchange for ashes to anoint them with gladness instead of sorrow, to wrap them in victory, joy and praise instead of depression and sadness.” 

Kevin: I just love that it's so good. It represents this exchange that God is offering. And the way that I interpret this passage is as God's invitation to us, his invitation to exchange what we have for what he is offering. I feel like that's the call, that's his invitation. But it's certainly a difficult one.

Kathy: It sounds so good, doesn't it? I love the word invitation. It's an invitation. But I don't think that I'm always opening this invitation to exchange my pain for what he has. And I'm wondering I know I have students, and as I think about myself that face these obstacles to this invitation, I think it could be fear for some. They're afraid of what's on the other side. It could be discouragement of, oh, it's never getting better. Exhaustion and wariness, of just in the fight constantly and never thinking that it can be better. What about for you? 

Kevin: I think what I'm dealing with most is, like, denial, that I just ignore my pain, my stress, and my need for help. Right. Or my need for rest. It's almost like I receive a gift, in this case, the gift of exhaustion, the unwanted spiritual gift of exhaustion. And then that gift is wrapped, and what I do is I tuck it behind the Christmas tree in a place where nobody can see it, where I can't see it, and I just pretend that it's not there. 

I don't know why I do this. But what do you say about that? Like, what is it denial? Like, what is what's the issue? Like, what is the obstacle there for me?

Kathy: Well, I think it it could be similar to what I experienced, but I don't tuck it away. I just try and fix it. And figure out a way or Google it or ask for advice. I'm trying to still hold on to it. I think for you, as you're tucking it away, it's sort of out of sight, out of mind, but in the end, you're still trying to figure it out yourself. And I think both lie with the issue of pride and self reliance. Sure, yeah. 

Kevin: It's almost like I took the present away behind the tree where I can't see it and pretend like it's not there for you. You unwrap it and try to figure out how you can return it to the store. 

Kathy: Exactly. 

Kevin: And what we have here from this passage is this invitation to exchange rather than ignore, rather than return. We can exchange what we have for what God is offering. What do we do when we are facing the obstacle of pride or fear or discouragement, guilt or shame? How do we overcome that if that's what we're recognizing is preventing us from this exchange that God is offering?

Kathy: Yeah. Well, I would number one, step one is to pause, stop everything that you're doing and recognize how you're feeling, how you're doing, what's going on with you. Once you understand and reflect on what the issue is, figure out how you can make different choices. If you are a person that runs away, then you need to be able to face it. If you're a person that takes control, maybe you need to surrender. And then if you are having trouble doing either of those things, I would really encourage you to reach out to help, for help and support, trusted friend, a wise counselor, therapist, one of us here at Be Well and say, look, I'm just a little bit stuck. I want to exchange and I'm having a hard time doing that. Such important practices, especially this time of year, stopping, pausing in the midst of the busyness, reflecting, reaching out for help and support – all really, really good things. 

Kathy: Yeah. And I'd like to invite everyone. I know it's a really busy time of the year. You're probably like me still thinking about last minute shopping and wrapping gifts under the tree. I know I have them left to do, but I wonder if right now we could just take a moment and pause as you're listening. 

Just take a moment and pause with me. And I want to invite you to think about what is an unexpected surprise gift that you received that was difficult or challenging this year. I would like for you to think about that right now. 

So now that you have it in your mind, I'm wondering what you want to exchange it for. What is God offering to you instead of what you have? And how can you, in this moment, in this time and in this space right now, exchange the gift during this season and receive what he has to offer? 

Kevin: Thank you, Kathy. Thank you for listening in. Merry Christmas to each of you and whatever it is that you may be coping with, blessings to you.